You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
