You made me cry and you don't even care
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
