Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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