You can't special order awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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