life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
