youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
