Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize