It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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