we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
