How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
