My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
