the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm bleeding and have questions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
