His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
