We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
