Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
