This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
