your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
