i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
