Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
