just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
