Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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