She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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