when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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