A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
