you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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