I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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