Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
