wanna go halves on a baby?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
