good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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