Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My liver just had a heart attack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
