apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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