my mouth tastes like poor choices
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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