do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we're making bets on your personal life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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