I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
