i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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