that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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