We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
