Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
