dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
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i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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