Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
