somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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