my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize