I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
