you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
