it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
