i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
