Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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