That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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