You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
