Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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