i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize