we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
