Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
