Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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