What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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