Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
