There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
