If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
