she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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