he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
