wat bout pragnant strippers??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
