so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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